Last Week Donald Trump Grabbed Mother Nature by the Pussy

In News, UBtheCURE by Ulysses BurleyLeave a Comment

At some point in the last week I’ve had to cut the heat and the AC on in the same day.

It’s June.

The thermostat is so confused that it just shuts down completely when I switch it from heat to cool in a single motion, to the point where I have to reset the electrical breaker. I had to grab a jacket before I left the house one day, and stepped out in my paisley rompHIM (not really) the next. I’m seriously considering purchasing a pair of denim jorts for the sake of function over fashion.

Every night I hurl ecological slurs of disgust and distrust at the meteorologist for telling me lies day in and day out while still being able to keep their jobs. Like, who gets paid to be consistently wrong on live television (hey Fox News!)? Meteorologists, that’s who. I hate them and I want to be them all at the same time. And why are they called meteorologists anyway? When was the last time we had a forecast of a light chance of meteor showers? I need answers.

But I digress.

The earth is clearly troubled to say the least, and anybody with tactile sensitivity in their skin can tell you that, so when 195 UNFCCC member countries, including an Obama led United States, signed the Paris Climate Agreement that set out a global action plan to limit global warming to well below 2°C, it made logical sense. Syria and Nicaragua were the only 2 countries not to sign on because, well – Syria was too busy gassing their own citizens to care about increasing atmospheric CO2 gasses and Nicaragua – the 4th most impacted country by global warming – didn’t think the agreement was strong enough and would only sign if the regulations were mandatory and not optional.

In walks Drumpf.

Lask week 443/4’s announced that the United States would be withdrawing from the Paris Climate Agreement, stating that he was elected to represent Pittsburgh not Paris, as if global warming is some dark methane cloud hovering over the Eiffel Tower only. Even places like Iran and North Korea signed the agreement. NORTH KOREA! They don’t even have access to the internet but they know it’s hot as hades when it’s not supposed to be! I’m not really sure how the warming of the earth’s atmosphere became a political futbol to be kicked around by men like Donald “just grab’em by the pussy” Trump and Bashar al-“Asshole,” but it has.

And I blame patriarchy and misogyny.

Whoever decided to attribute a feminine personification to earth messed it up for all of us. When I googled “the origin of Mother Nature” to find out who was to blame, of course I got some B.C. Greek mythology about the Goddess Ge/Gaia (basis of the root word geo- meaning earth) creating earth, bringing life and being a nurturer, but also being chaotic and uncontrollable – while Kronos, the Titan representing “Father Time” is described as being “logical” and “rational.”

Translation: some old white men came up with this sexist narrative long ago, and old white men like Drumpf have been raping Mother Nature since.

Republican men in Congress want to legislate Mother Nature the same way they want to legislate women’s uteruses. It’s the same reason why they lose their bowels anytime someone refers to God in the feminine, even though the idea of God the Creator resembles that of a woman more so than a man. But alas, these men can’t create anything so instead they try to control it. Lask week when Donald Swamp announced that he would be withdrawing the United States – the country with the 2nd highest carbon emissions in the world – from the Paris Climate agreement, he pretty much grabbed Mother Nature by the pussy. Frankly, if we wanted men like him to respect the earth we should have made it a white man and called it Father Nature.

Now, our children and our children’s children get to burn in hell on earth. The only good news is that it will take all of Dump’s term to pull the U.S. out of the Paris Climate Agreement – 1 day after the 2020 presidential election, to be exact.

Govern your votes accordingly.

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